Reasons Why
by Lamarquis
Summary: A Near x Matt fic. Rated M for reasons that will become more apparent in the future.Mmmmm chappies added and also, the stupid title has now been changed. Hoorah!
1. Tetris

It was January 22nd, 2002, more than a full year before the first name was written in the Death note by the hand of Yagami Light, and also the day when Nate River, Mail Jeevas and Mihael Keehl were given one name only to go by from that point on. On that day, Near, Mello, and Matt were born and old identities were thrown away in the name of the succession of L.

Events were predicted to become very dangerous in the next few years, due to increased violence, thievery, and intelligence among the wrong population. The protection of L and these three orphans from the Wammy's House was of extreme importance nowadays, and while L was still alive the rest were to remain unknown to the world. In their own orphanage where they were discovered, they were tested and retested, in order to find who would be first in L's place in case of certain events. It was unthinkable for Near, Matt and Mello to simply become a team together upon L's possible death—no need to shoot every bullet at once.

It became clear immediately that Near was most likely to be chosen first, because of the talent he possessed to come up with results in amazing time under so much pressure. Mello was just behind Near, his only downfall being his inability to work calmly and collectively until his task was done. Matt, on the other hand, could have surpassed Mello if he actually took heart in his work. Instead, his interests seemed to be placed elsewhere while Mello and Near competed endlessly to either gain or keep the title of first successor to L.

Soon, Mello began to believe that Near hated him, and that he had a personal vendetta against the fact that he had emotions and Near appeared not to be capable of them. At first, he felt like he at least had one up on the kid, who was eleven years old and a little less than two years younger than he. But soon Mello feared that Near could see his weaknesses in his never ending fight against him, and thinking this Mello put more determination and care into never letting his weakness show through—yet, with this, his weakness became incredibly clear to Near, who in fact had no intention of putting one over on Mello whatsoever.

So, Mello would work tirelessly while Near did practically nothing, studying without any blockage in his mind. Matt continued to be a loner, doing little more than play video games and smoke the occasional stolen cigarette from the closest neighbor's. This was their routine, the one they would adopt until the end of their lifetime at the Wammy's. At least, so it appeared to Roger and the other children.

Chapter 1

Near had recently developed a liking for tetris. The only way he could play it was to manage to steal Matt's gameboy, which would eventually be taken back in Matt's calloused hands after a short time. Matt, however, did not like to get things returned to him the way Mello did—which was through violence. Instead, he would wait patiently on Near's bed in his room while Near finished, listening to the birds chirp outside and the occasional laugh of another child. Near would glance up every now and then, only to see a very serene looking Matt basking in the temporary sunshine and warmth of Near's room.

"You don't have to steal it from me, you know." Matt said after he found Near with his game for the third time. "I'll let you borrow it if you just ask."

Near paused the game and handed it back to Matt. The first time he had taken it, it was just because he wasn't very comfortable talking to Matt at all. Yet, when he saw Matt enjoying the sun's rays in his room while he waited for him as he played, something that he did not do voluntarily, he couldn't resist taking it again—and another time after that.

Even though Mello—the most active of the three—was Matt's best friend, it did not stop Matt from retreating into his room, surrounded in darkness and all lights turned off save for the glow from the inevitable video game player. Mello never tried to remove him from this habitat, for he could care less. He was a pale fellow, being between Near and Mello in age at twelve as soon as February came. It was not a healthy thing for a young boy and Near knew this, always trying to step outside every once in a while—still avoiding the sports lest he get blindsided by a wild ball or fist.

When Matt voiced his words to him, Near only nodded, knowing that he would simply steal the game once more when he felt like it.

Months passed with this custom, along with the growing rivalry between Near and Mello. Matt noticed this and tried his best to stay out of sides, thinking that Mello would urge him to keep on his more than Near would. Yet, with this assumption in mind, Matt saw that Mello kept to himself and withdrew a bit from everyone, leaving Matt alone in his room much more often than he was used to. In fact, despite Matt's obvious preference towards the solitude, he began to welcome Near's weekly steals and the following visit to his room.

In September, just before Mello's fourteenth birthday and after Near's eleventh, Near began to follow a set routine on taking Matt's gameboy every Saturday afternoon. Matt immediately picked up on it and instead of waiting for it to disappear, he would simply come to Near's room with it instead.

One particular Saturday, Matt was just turning around to leave Near alone for a while in the bliss of tetris when Near's voice—seldom heard by Matt—stopped him in the doorway.

"You can stay for a while, Matt."

Near continued to play expertly while Matt turned around and stared at him, contemplating. It was, after all, one of the only times he was ever faced with a different atmosphere (especially since it was still summer, and he was free to stay cooped up in his room until dinner). He walked back to Near's bed, deciding to stay and watch while the open window blew in a warm draft, gracing the curtains and eventually reaching Matt and Near themselves.

Matt stared at Near's face as he played, finding it disconcerting when it never changed at all. It was weird—for lack of a better word—that Matt could not constantly see the thoughts transparent on Near's features, as he was so used to with Mello. In fact, Near was not so different than the characters in his Sims game, and soon he found himself half expecting a heart bubble to pop up over Near's head at some point.

After an hour of Matt being alone with his thoughts and the perplexity of the child sitting in front of his feet, Near finally switched off the gameboy and sat forward to give it to Matt, who was shaken out of a stupor.

Near felt like apologizing to Matt for keeping him there, but then again…Matt didn't leave, and if he did it would defeat the purpose of Near using the gameboy in the first place. He had, after all, long since gotten rid of his interest in tetris, but not… Near paused for a moment as Matt smiled at him and took his toy back. Had Near begun to have an interest in Matt? He normally didn't care about anyone…and he supposed he wouldn't even think twice about Matt if not for his game. But, that day as he sat on Near's bed, enjoying the sun, Near must have changed his mind somehow. As Near realized this his hand stayed stuck on the game, while Matt paused. He wasn't the type to force anything to go his way. Near's eyes were staring at nothing, his other hand lost in his hair, and Matt knew that he was thinking deeply about something. At least he could tell that much.

"Near…" Matt said in a singsong voice, chuckling to himself. His stomach began to turn his own thoughts toward dinner. Near looked up.

"Thank you, Matt." Near said, his face lightening up a bit. Maybe, Matt supposed, the emotions that showed on his face could only be noticed by someone who could see the subtle change. Maybe he could be one of those people—it sounded like a good enough challenge to him. In fact, the project of trying to understand Near's face and know what he was thinking sounded rather exciting…even if it was inevitable that Near would notice exactly what he was trying to do. But something told Matt that Near wouldn't mind too much.

"We should both go…Dinner." Matt said, putting the game into one of the two vast pockets of his new jeans. He planned to find better ones when the time came, but for now these would have to do. He kept his eyes on Near's face.

Near didn't look at him. Instead he simply nodded and got up, not waiting for Matt to follow him. Near sure was strange, Matt thought…but better than most of the people in his video games. That much was definite.


	2. New Interests, New Friendships

Chapter 2

"Matt." Mello stood at his doorway and looked in, catching the flash of brand new goggles. The chill of the December air and winter break seeped in through the crack of Matt's window, much to his indifference. Mello walked inside, picking up the second set of controls that lead to the game console Matt was running for the moment.

"Wanna race?" Matt went back to a menu screen in the game and selected the two player mode. Mello didn't even have to reply before they were already on the desert track, occasionally running into each other in their virtual cars.

"So you're done with that collaboration between you and Near?" Matt said casually, trying his best not to beat Mello—who, coincidentally, sucked at video games.

"Done and over with." Mello said irritably, "I'm not doing that again if you paid me."

Mello and Near had recently been assigned as partners for an English project, just before winter break. Matt had gotten paired with Linda, which wasn't half bad when he thought of how Near and Mello must have felt. Mello would come into Matt's room every once in a while, ragging on his video games until he felt better. Matt didn't mind, especially when he knew that Mello let him visit Near's room every Saturday without complaint. Mello wasn't too jealous, or stupid enough to keep Matt from having other friends. As long as Mello remained Matt's best friend, Mello would refrain from telling Matt what to do.

"Ours wasn't so bad," Matt said, "considering that it was Linda and Me. But you guys got best in the class."

"We did, huh." Mello said. His car grated along a canyon wall, sending sparks. "Doesn't matter anyway."

Matt snorted. "All that grief for nothing, eh?"

"Shut up…" Mello growled. "There wasn't even a way that I could beat Near at anything, either." Matt knew that Mello felt like arguing. Who knew, maybe Matt would satisfy this need.

"Who cares if you want to beat him or not, Mello." Matt began to fall behind purposefully. If he was going to argue with Mello, it was best not to be simultaneously beating him at Speed Racers. "Near never wants to beat you. Maybe if you stopped paying attention to trying to beat him, you'll actually do just that for once, eh?"

Mello grunted. "How the hell am I supposed to do that, dumbass…if my intentions are still to actually beat him in the end it will become the only thing I think about anyway. But nice try, genius."

Strangely enough, both boys felt better spending any anger on each other. Neither took insults as insults, only as a way to cleanse themselves. It was probably healthier this way, rather than take things out on someone who would actually be offended by what they said.

Matt actually didn't need to yell at Mello for himself. He always felt the tension when Mello did, and knew the right times for him to take this tension away. But he always had to lose at the game, whatever they were playing, or the whole plan would backfire and Mello would feel like Matt was simply picking on him.

"Well good luck with yourself, then, buddy." Matt said. Most of the time he truly meant the words he threw at Mello, perhaps it was his own way of getting that out of his system, after all.

"Whatever." Mello was soon victorious, throwing down the controller and flopping onto Matt's bed, pulling a magazine from under the pillow.

"Where the hell do you get these things, Matt?" Mello said, glaring at the centerfold in a Playboy. "Why would you even look at this shit anyway? It's not real."

There were only a few real things in Matt's world, he supposed, and two of those were Mello, and cigarettes. Near wasn't real, not yet…he still couldn't understand all of the expressions on Near's face. Soon he would be there, but for now Near would have to endure more of Matt's stares and glowers as he played Mario Kart—he had finally gotten sick enough of Tetris to dump it for something else.

"It's good enough," Matt said, still staring at the television screen as his car went up in flames along the side of the road. Mello threw the magazine at his head.

"It's that crap that gets you nowhere, Matt. Dump these and get out every once in a while, instead of sitting in your room all the time trying to cover up the stench of those cigarettes."

Mello was really digging in deeply. Matt blushed a bit, embarrassed at how blatantly Mello chastised him, cutting right to the personal stuff. The only thing that made him feel better about his hermit like behaviors was sitting in Near's room as Near disappeared into his own virtual reality every week, temporarily switching their places.

Which reminded him, it was Saturday. Darkness had already fallen at only five o' clock, making Matt feel more at home in his cave-like room. But it was the only time Matt ever felt comfortable to leave when he wasn't being forced to. He considered Mello for a moment but trusted that he wouldn't get too angry, giving the game controls to him and getting up to look for his gameboy.

"Going somewhere?" Mello quickly loaded his own game.

"Yeah, I'll be back." Matt walked out the door, heading towards Near's room. Mello seemed a bit disgruntled, but then it was apparent that he didn't really care that much. It would be a bit contradictory if Mello yelled at Matt for leaving him (even if it was for Near's room) right after he had just told him to do so anyway.

Near was reading a book, and didn't notice when Matt opened the door without knocking. He sat down on his bed and waited for Near to finish and notice him. When he didn't say anything, but instead continued to finger his hair and hold the book directly in front of his face, Matt crawled over to Near and peered over the book comically, seeing that it was nearly the end of the chapter.

Near finished and Matt happily produced the game from his back pocket. He took it, staring at the little screen, but without turning it on.

"What's the matter? The batteries are new." Matt said, laying back on Near's bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Yes…but…" Near contemplated. Lately he had been feeling like, rather than making Matt sit in his bed and do nothing for an hour, actually interacting with Matt for once. Near was almost confused by the fact that Matt treated him as a friend even though they barely talked to each other at all. He was thankful that Mello wasn't stripping him of his hide for this. "I guess I don't feel like playing today."

Matt was surprised, and a bit sad. "Oh, I see." He got up off the bed, shoving the game into his pocket. "I'll see you around, then."

"I mean, you don't have to go." Near said, still playing with his hair. "This is the only time you ever come out of your room besides for school and food, right?" Matt nodded, propping up his goggles so they rested on his forehead. "Then maybe we could talk instead, or something like that."

Confused, Matt went to sit back down on Near's bed and lean against the wall. What on earth were they going to talk about? Matt combed his brain for a topic. The only thing they had in common was Mello, and all Matt felt like saying about Mello to Near was an apology, which wouldn't be a very good conversation starter. He looked at Near, who seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"Why," Near suddenly said, startling Matt, "Do you seem to be so interested in my face?" Matt blushed a bit, frowning. Now he wasn't sure how he was going to explain himself…might as well just tell the truth.

"Just trying to figure it out, I guess…" Matt shrugged, perching his goggles just above his forehead. He barely noticed they were there anymore. "What you're thinking, I mean…"

"You can ask me what I'm thinking whenever you want, Matt. I don't hide anything." Near said earnestly—as it appeared to Matt.

"Well, truthfully, Near…that's no fun. Asking about someone's thoughts and being able to read them is totally different. I like being able to know what's on someone's mind just by looking at them."

"Like Mello." Near said, thumb and forefinger twirling a lock of his bangs.

"I guess so…but Mello's like an open book. And I don't always want to know what's in his pages, if you know what I mean." Matt chuckled, thinking how dirty that sounded (which is pretty dirty for a twelve year old kid, mind you).

Near nodded. "But what is so interesting about me, Matt?"

Matt thought. He had just realized how frighteningly intimate this whole idea was, and soon he came to realize that if he wasn't careful, he might come off as gay or something.

"A lot…I know there's a huge world behind that face of yours."

Damn it.

"I see…" Near said, his eyes blurring a bit, lost in his own thoughts once more. And now Matt was taking an interest in him? The real answer Near had wanted from Matt was just so he could be a good friend…but perhaps that wasn't Matt's way. Well, he knew he would see his way soon enough. "Then, we should spend more time together, Matt. I know I would much rather be getting to know you than simply playing videogames in your presence."

Matt nodded. Okay, maybe Near was above the fact that they sounded more like a couple than two friends making a genuine effort to be…well, real friends. The only obstacle Matt could see was Mello. Mello had little objection to him seeing Near once a week for a little while, it wasn't like he was hanging out with him all the time. But, once he actually _did_ start doing that, what would Mello say?

Regardless, Matt did have independence of Mello. He was not his dog, and Mello sure as hell didn't want him to act that way. Besides, Near had no friends. Mello may not have been so popular either but more than Near, and more than Matt, even. If Mello didn't like Near being better friends with Matt, he would have to deal, as simple as that. At the moment, Matt tried to ignore the ebbing nag that told him that Mello might make him choose… Whatever—if that happened, Matt would deal with it when he wanted to.

"Sure," Matt said, smiling. "but right now I should get back to my room…I left Mello with my play station, I kinda want it to be in one piece for at least a little longer."

"Mello knows you're over here?" Near said, only confirming what he was sure was true.

"Yeah…but he's in an edgy mood…I better go. Thanks, Near." Matt left.

Near sat and stared at the door, wondering exactly what Matt had meant in his thanks.


	3. Promise

Chapter 3

It was only Wednesday when Matt decided to kick off his newfound and blooming friendship with Near, having seen him in the mess hall by himself with…a toy robot. Not much of a friend, if you asked Matt—but then again, Matt didn't have much to say about friends and kept his mouth shut when he sat down next to Near, taking off his goggles and setting them on the table, seeing that Near's robot would soon come to rest very close to this same spot.

"Hello, Matt." Near said, bringing up one leg and hugging it.

"Hey Near, how's it going?" Matt said casually, resisting the urge to pick up Near's robot and twirl its arms around habitually. Instead, he turned to look Near directly in the face.

"Just waiting for lunch, that's all…" Near said, shying away a bit from Matt's gaze. He was used to people looking at him—but only from the back, never straight on, unless he initiated it himself.

"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you eat. Ever." Said Matt, congratulating himself for the world's lamest thing to say to Near.

_There might be a reason for that…_Near thought, but he didn't say anything. Really, all he was waiting for was Mello to come and kick his ass for sitting with Matt during lunch. His eyes shifted around the room, not catching sight of his familiar blonde hair quite yet.

"Matt…" Near said, looking at his robot, and then at Matt's goggles, "Maybe you should sit with Mello instead." Near didn't need to explain his fear to Matt, whose smile which was already very slight, fell to a frown.

"Near, I won't let Mello hurt you, we're equal in a fight." Matt said, patting Near on the shoulder. Near didn't want a fight to ensue either, and he certainly didn't want to be the cause of the end of Mello and Matt's friendship. He liked peace, and agreement. That's why he was so keen on becoming L's successor, so he could preserve the peace when he was old enough to be able to.

"Your friendship is more important, Matt….I don't need friends." Near realized that with these words he was more than likely giving up the privilege of having Matt in his room every Saturday. When he thought back, he knew that it was he who wanted to become better friends…but he was sure that in the future he would regret this. Matt grew a bit indignant, thinking the same thing.

"Hey, you're the one who told me we should try and be better friends. Me and Mello are already good, he won't stop being friends with me just cause I'm being nice to you and hanging out with you and stuff. Stop being afraid of him, Near, I told you I'll take care of it." Matt got up and sat on the other side of the table, it was less awkward right there.

Just then, Mello walked into the room and spotted Matt right away, making a beeline for him. It wasn't until he was halfway there did he notice Near sitting across from Matt, looking introverted and unwilling as usual. Matt looked up and saw him, waving him over. Mello began to frown slightly as he approached them.

"Hey Mello." Matt said awkwardly, suddenly realizing this was going to be a bit harder than he thought. "Hungry?"

"Um…not really." Mello said, staring at Near. "You're sitting with Near?" he said, frowning sardonically at Matt, who flinched a bit.

"Yeah, Mello…maybe you and him could learn to get along." Matt said, even though he really didn't care whether or not this happened, as long as it didn't end in a black eye. Mello snorted at Matt, taken aback.

"You know Matt, that's not gonna work. We both…" Mello was pawing around for an ending to his sentence when Near interrupted him.

"Mello, I'm right here." Near said, looking directly at him. This time he tried not to shy away… Why was it easier to look Mello in the eye than Matt?

"Oh, and you want to get along, right…" Mello said, sneering. But he couldn't really think of any insults that were good enough for Near. He wasn't stupid, or mean. Near barely did anything other than achieve higher levels than Mello, and Mello himself tried to push this reality down, in order to not blame himself for his own hatred. "Since when did you want to be friends with me?"

"No," Near corrected. "I want to be friends with Matt. You're free to be nice to me, and I'll do the same in return. My only real concern is that you'd try and stop any friendship between me and Matt." Matt was speechless, seeing that perhaps Near wanted to handle this on his own. But still, if they got in a fight…he wouldn't let Mello hurt Near, that was for sure.

Mello had nothing much to say to that, only that he'd rather eat his own foot than become friends with Near. Instead, he got up. "Fine." Mello said angrily, "I'm not stopping anything. Do whatever you want, I could care less." With this he left, without even looking back at Matt—who was now very torn between the two.

"You should go patch that up, Matt. I'm okay…" Near said, a bit charged from the argument. Maybe Mello really didn't want to fight all that much…was he hurt? Maybe he was more sad than angry…that was not like Mello at all.

Matt hesitated. "I…" he looked at Near, who was now leaning his head against his knee.

"Go ahead." He said, picking up his toy robot and staring at it. He was currently in the process of losing himself in thought. Matt nodded, skipping away frantically, and leaving his goggles on he table.

Near did not feel much like eating. But he noticed Matt's abandoned goggles, so he pocketed them, got up, and walked outside. The sun was shining today and trying its best to melt the fresh blanket of snow that had only arrived last night. Near's breath formed in clouds, although he couldn't really feel the cold.

Matt would make things better, the best part being that he was willing to do so in the first place. Mello may not be able to ever become friends with Near, but… Thinking about how willing Matt was to make both Near and Mello happy, Near couldn't help but smile a little into the sun.

Matt actually found Mello in his own room, playing Speed Racers like they had the other day. They were arguing then, too, but this time was different. It wasn't an exercise, nor was it a way to deal for either of them. But Mello…why had he come back here? Why wasn't he in his own room? Probably because Matt was the only one with videogames.

"Mello?" Matt said, peeking into his cave-like habitat. Mello looked up, but then concentrated back on the game, not saying anything in reply.

Matt walked into his room, knowing that he would have to reason with Mello, but Mello was willing to hear him out—otherwise he would have left or told Matt to get out (of his own room?). He sat on his bed, which Mello was leaning against, and silently watched him play for a while. Mello seemed to be taking out quite a bit of his anger on the cars and people—this one had pedestrians in it—which made Matt even more nervous. But what comforted him was that Mello did not completely sever their tie, which was what he was most afraid of. Maybe it would work out after all.

"I know how much you hate Near, Mello…and as your best friend, I should hate him too." Matt was lying on his bed so his head was right next to Mello's, and he could talk into his ear. Mello's mouth turned down a bit, but still he said nothing. "But I need friends too…and Near is by himself. Think about it, even if he had me, you are still number one when it comes to dealing with people. Me and Near…don't know anything. I think it's only fair that we should be able to hang out every once in a while, and ignore this thing you and him have against each other."

"Just…" Mello sighed, dropping the controls. "…promise me, then, that if you ever had to choose between us, you'd pick me, okay?" Matt frowned.

"What, so you're making me pick now?"

"No, I mean…if Near wanted you to stop being my friend, you wouldn't, right?"

"Oh, I get it."

"Promise, then?"

Matt smiled, suddenly feeling the absence of his goggles from his face.

"Yeah, of course." Matt, overjoyed and thankful for Mello's consent, started hugging his head—the closest thing to him at the moment—and giggled like the twelve year old he was. "Thanks, Mello! I'll never stop being your best friend and you know it!"

Mello frowned, struggling to get Matt off of his head. "Yeah yeah, I get it, Matt…you're suffocating me!"

Matt smiled even more, and let go, just in time for Mello's frown to turn into a grin. "How about a race, eh? And I'm not going easy on you this time." Matt said, jumping down and grabbing the controller.

"You've been going easy on me? What the hell, Matt…" Mello picked up the other one and promptly stared to press the buttons like crazy, earning him a stall for the first thirty seconds of the race.

"Ah…" Matt said, blushing a bit. "No…I mean, that was all you, Mello."

"Stop patronizing me! Now I'm really going to beat you!" Mello finally got his car started and caught up quickly to Matt, who had just completed a tail spin for the hell of it. For once, Matt actually tried to beat Mello rather than going lax, but this time Mello actually did win.

**Zomg look I'm writing an authors note! Yup, so this is the third chapter. I've been promising some good slashiness lately, and it will come…I think I'll put it in the next chapter (Which btw will be up soon, I write really fast and all that thanks to the gigantic amount of time I have on my hands --), and it ****will**** be between Matt and Near…augh but no smex, not yet…**

**Also, I'm planning on continuing this thing until the end. And by the end, I mean…basically…well, not the end but you know what I mean, if you've read DN 11. I don't like to ruin and spoil things for people, so if you don't want to find out about certain unfortunate events, turn back now!!! You are warrrneedd….ooohhhhh….**

**o.o Anyway. Yup I'm rambling cause I went without an A/N for two whole chapters! So basically this is just showing what's going on when we don't see these three in the book. I mean, we jump huge amounts of time between first meeting them and Near and Mello trying to catch Kira, etc. etc. I love how they age 3 And I'm not writing anything hardcore for a while, cause…ehhh…not for the younguns, I'm not into that kinda thing…but shonen-ai!! Yay!!! **

**Mmmm and thanks for all the reviews. Alright I'll shut up now, lol thxbai**


	4. Old Habits, New Solutions, Wet Dreams?

Chapter 4

Near woke up to a grey sky, a cold draft, and…a very cold and wet bed. He paused, still half asleep, letting his hand wander over himself, over the sheets. His pajamas were wet too. He sat up, thoroughly disgusted at himself. Had he really wet the bed? Yet, the scent was different. That would mean…

Near refused to acknowledge it in his mind, letting the pure truth run around his subconscious for a while, which was so awake it was practically his conscious anyway. He had been dreaming of Matt, and what would happen when he gave his goggles back. It had been quite a dream, and had resulted in this mess, which he would have to hope dried before the woman who changed the sheets came. But even if she did notice, who cared? Near stood and stretched, relieving himself of his bothersome pajamas as soon as he could. He did not like being naked, that was for sure…especially when it seemed like his window had a rather large crack in it, letting in the chilly air as he dug through his drawers, trying to find something warm besides the usual white garb he was so used to wearing.

Soon, he found a pair of sweatpants and a sweater—both white—that prevented the goose bumps from coming back. He didn't much feel like eating breakfast, but remembered the goggles he had yet to return. It was only eight o' clock, but Near had nothing else to do and decided that maybe Matt could stand being woken up a bit earlier than usual. He scooped up the goggles and left, heading towards the door on the other end of the hall, hoping that Mello hadn't decided to spend the night for some reason. As he crossed to Matt's room, flashes of his dream kept arising, making Near frown a bit on the way. He couldn't be thinking those types of things in Matt's presence; it would make him act weirder than usual…

Near knocked once, clutching the goggles and feeling a bit warm in his sweats. He was feverishly trying to banish the thoughts from his brain and empty his mind. It wasn't working very well, because these thoughts were very new to him. How could he enjoy Matt…touching him…so much? And wasn't this a bit premature for a kid his age?

When no one answered Near began to shuffle away, but soon he heard the squeak of a door and turned around, spotting a very disheveled and tired looking Matt.

"Oh, was that you, Near?" He said, his eyes half closed as if he was about to drop to the floor at that very moment.

"I just came to give you your goggles back." Near said, holding them up a bit and twirling his hair, trying his best not to look Matt in the eye. He shuffled back forward, feeling a bit funny in the sweats he was wearing, suddenly wishing that he could go back and change into his normal pajama suit he always wore.

"Aw, you took care of them for me." Matt held his hands out and took his goggles back from Near like they were a little bird. Near smiled a bit, still staring at his feet. Matt clumsily shoved the goggles back on his head, so that they were perched precariously on the bridge of his nose. "Now I don't feel naked anymore." He added, laughing.

Near blushed a bit, turning to leave at Matt's last comment. But, Matt stopped him unexpectedly.

"Hey, where are you going?" He asked, waking up a bit. Near turned around and looked at Matt for once.

"You don't look as though you've had your night's worth of sleep."

"Oh, that was harsh," Matt said, grinning wider in spite of this. "Nah, I'm good, won't be able to go back to sleep anyway. Have you ever even been in my room before?" Matt gestured to Near, beckoning him.

"When I used to take your stuff…" Near said, not yet moving.

"Haha, that was a while ago…what are you waiting for?" Matt turned into his room, leaving the door open. Near followed him in warily.

Matt's room was much warmer. Through half closed blinds, Near could see duct tape covering a large part of the window. The television was still on, a game paused halfway through. Near decided it wouldn't be too bad if he just sat on Matt's bed, as his chair and desk were covered in random (and probably very dirty) striped things. Matt's bed was very warm, and Near was now ruing the fact that he hadn't put on his normal clothes, forget regret. Matt sat down close to Near, his eyes open or closed, he couldn't tell. Resting his head on the wall behind him, Matt sighed raggedly.

"I haven't been getting much sleep these days," Matt turned a little toward Near. "I just can't get my eyes to close before four o' clock."

"You have insomnia…probably because of those video games." Near said, willing the set to turn off.

"Naw, I try to get to sleep first, but even when my eyes close and I can't think straight—I get that tired—my brain still goes at a hundred miles an hour. The only thing to get it to shut up is to play games, so I do."

"Have you talked to Roger about it?"

"No…if he found out he'd probably think like you and then take the games away…and then I wouldn't be able to sleep plus the fact that I'd have a thousand things flying around in my brain." Matt groaned. "The only time I've ever fallen asleep at a normal time was when Mello was in here, and the other time was when I managed to get in that dog for a couple days…that was short lived."

"It was." Near said. He could see what Matt was getting at—he couldn't sleep if there was no one with him. Near understood the feeling, something about having someone around to settle your thoughts was much more advantageous than being by oneself. This thought made Near want to hug Matt, or at least lean on him, because Matt needed comfort—that much was obvious. Perhaps Matt didn't realize this himself. "So basically, you need someone to be around so you can sleep. Maybe it's because you don't feel safe by yourself?"

Matt jumped. "What? That's stupid." He shook his head. "But…"

"What?" Near asked. Was there another element?

"Maybe you're right." Matt said, defeated. He was too tired to think of anything else, or defend his dignity from Near. What use was it, anyway? Near could probably see right through anyone, anyhow. "Sorry, I should think of something better to talk about, it's just, this is all I've had on my mind, out of the few things that I've been able to make sense of."

Near said nothing, embarrassing Matt further. He decided to change the subject, talking about the first thing that popped into his mind.

"Like the duct tape? Mello broke the window once…but it sure keeps the room a lot warmer than before. Duct tape is good insulation, I guess." Matt spoke rapidly.

"Matt, if you're that tired, I can stay in here while you sleep. Right now." Near said, without inhibition. "I'll stay and play Tetris."

Matt shook his head. "Thanks, but I wouldn't do that to you. I'll just figure it out on my own." He yawned, trying to stop it, but he couldn't.

"Matt, I wouldn't mind. It would be better for your health." Near said. Matt paused, looking directly at Near, who had a very serious (was it really that different, though?) look on his face. He sighed.

"If you don't mind, I might snore or something." Matt chuckled.

"I don't mind."

"Then, I'll try, at least…" He crawled forward, conveniently in his pajamas—he had just woken up, after all. He didn't bother pulling the covers over himself, curling up with his pillow.

"What time did you get to sleep last night, Matt?"

"Around four." At these words, Near got up, making a mental note not to wake him up until twelve. He turned off the television while Matt watched, then found the gameboy and sat back at the foot of his bed. Matt shuffled around a bit, but soon he came to rest with his feet touching Near's. Before long the sound of heavy breathing filled the room.

Near realized the huge amount of trust Matt felt for him, if he was able to fall asleep after a night of only four hours. For the first time he actually felt that happy about someone…being his friend. He didn't have many because he didn't want them, Near always thought that life would be better if he didn't have to make the effort to keep a friendship. It was easier, quite frankly, to piss people off behind their backs and never look anyone in the eye unless, once again, it was for the purpose of making someone angry or intimidated. But Matt was different. He actually tried to make Near happy, like Near tried to make Matt happy those few times by letting him sit in his room…enjoying the sun…

Matt needed a little sun. Near knew that if he started caring about Matt, he would start worrying about him too. Today he could watch him while he slept, but every night? Near's mind regressed to his dream and he banished it quickly, feeling the pink stinging his cheeks. He thought that maybe if he could make Matt go outside every once in a while, he would feel better. Sun was healthy, and Near was reluctant to admit that even he barely went outside, but at least he liked to sit close to the windows.

And he knew he should make Matt feel safe…he had to make Matt realize that everyone was just a door away. How could he show him that he was surrounded by people all the time if he was at the Wammy's? They didn't necessarily have to be in his room.

Lastly, Near looked at the play station L had gotten him a year ago (he appreciated Matt's interests in gadgets rather than in just being his successor, for once). He doubted that he could convince Matt to give up those completely, but if he could just play a little less…

Near decided that he was thinking way too much on the subject. Maybe for now he could just watch Matt sleep. The rising and falling of his chest was pleasant to watch, it even made Near a little tired. He now had the urge to go and curl up beside Matt, whose pillow had fallen off of the bed at that moment. Would Matt mind? Near shook his head, dropping the game boy. It was too risky, he might have another wet dream…and if the last one was about Matt, then the chances of having one in Matt's bed was high.

Near never thought of himself as someone who was easily attracted to another person. He was quite confident that girls would stay out of the picture, but in his eleven year old state he couldn't be sure that it would continue that way. But then, last night's dream changed everything. Could it be possible that his preferences were elsewhere?

Near was prepared to accept this, he wasn't one to say what was morally right and wrong, and at so young an age the idea barely made him uncomfortable. In fact, if it made him feel this way when he saw Matt, then it wasn't half bad. But Matt for sure wouldn't feel the same way about Near, that was the downfall. Matt, all of the sudden, had a very loud fascination for women, declaring to Mello one night in the library (Near was in the vicinity) that he had figured out a way to smuggle dirty magazines into the Wammy's. Mello, strangely enough, wasn't interested at all. He just called Matt stupid and went on studying.

Near sighed. It was a dead end for him, if he really liked Matt that was his own heartbreak to bear. It was going to be especially difficult with Matt trying so hard to make Near happy by being his friend. Near would just have to ignore it, he had trained himself to be as apathetic as possible in situations like these, anyway. Maybe, if he was lucky, Matt would simply lose interest in him and he would be by himself again.

…Lucky?

It was taking quite a bit out of Near not to fall asleep next to Matt. It seemed like he hadn't been able to get his hands on a cigarette in quite a while, thanks to Roger's interference and Mello's disdain for anything cancer-inducing. Matt's room, his bed…it smelled good. Better than his own room, better than his toys and his puzzles. Near consented to simply curling up at the foot of Matt's bed, if he really was so scared of lying next to Matt himself. His blankets were soft…

Near woke up, some time later, to Matt softly nudging his shoulder. Near started, and quickly did a self check to make sure it was dry all around him. Everything seemed to be clear, causing him to heave a sigh of relief.

"Guess you were tired too, huh?" Matt said, fully dressed and looking much better than he had a few hours ago. Near shook his head.

"It was just watching you sleep, I guess." Matt tilted his head a bit, staring at Near.

"Well, thanks, buddy." He held his hand out to Near, confusing him for a moment. "I feel a lot better now."

Near stared at Matt's hand, and then took it, expecting Matt to shake it or something. Instead, Matt pulled him forward. _Oh, a hug, then_. Near thought, wrapping his arms around Matt's waist. He soon realized the perils of being half asleep when Matt gave a little shout in surprise.

"Well, okay." Matt said, tentatively patting Near on the back. Near had only just realized Matt was simply helping him out of bed, and jumped backwards.

"Sorry," he said, staring helplessly at his feet. The last thing he wanted to do was confuse him.

"Haha, don't worry about it. A hug from you is a lot nicer than a punch in the face from Mello." Matt said, smiling and putting his hand on Near's shoulder, where it soon began to raise goose bumps. Near pulled away, finding a clock. 1:45…had he slept that long? Maybe his dreams were that fitful…he hadn't had a very calm or relaxing sleep like that one in quite a while.

"Lunch, then!" Matt said, not noticing Near's retreat from his hand, bounding toward the door. "You coming?"

Near followed Matt, still a bit dazed from his nap.


	5. Confession

Chapter 5

Some months passed, and Near's dreams did nothing but get worse. Most of his time awake, however, were spent studying as usual—or trying to help Matt with his insomnia. He decided that he would just simply overcome his new obsession with Matt, settling into a comfortable routine of thought while doing nothing at all to increase or decrease it. But, as soon as he accepted this, everything changed.

One night after a day's worth of hell, having beaten Mello once again to the top score of a test and earning a good solid smack on the head by a random Mello supporter, Near was having trouble falling asleep, trying to decide whether or not it was worth it on letting Mello beat him just once…but would Roger notice? As he was contemplating this, Near thought he could hear noises coming from outside. They were familiar, happy noises like from…Matt's room.

Near got up and headed straight to Matt's door, the videogame noises getting louder. Near was ready to chastise the crap out of Matt for not even trying to sleep before starting up his Nintendo again. Without knocking, he pushed the door open.

"Matt, aren't you even going to try and sleep?"

Matt looked up. Embarrassed, he turned down the volume and blushed at Near. "I just…I tried but I thought…"

Near stood there in the doorway, but he didn't even need to be any closer to register Matt's distress. If he started crying, what would Near do? He wasn't the type to run away, but…

Matt continued rambling. "As soon as I hit the mattress I thought I was going to be sick or something, I can't stop the crap in my head."

"What is it that's in your head that's so bad?"

"I don't even know, it's just random things happening at high-speed."

"Matt." Near said, walking over and sitting down next to him, "I think it's just the games. You have make yourself stop, or your brain might never be able to think normally."

"But, it makes it better…"

"Yeah, don't you think that's a problem?" Near said, looking Matt directly in the eye.

"So how do I make it stop?"

Near knew exactly what Matt needed for now, just for now…the quick solution…

"I'm sleeping in here tonight. You'll fall asleep easier that way." Near got up and turned off the Nintendo. "It doesn't matter how strange it will be, it's the only thing that will help for now." Near waited for Matt to argue, but he didn't. Instead he got up and went straight for Near. At first Near had a slight panic attack, but then it was clear what Matt intended to do.

He hugged Near, settling his arms around his shoulders while Near responded quickly and wrapped his around Matt's waist. Matt let go first and reluctantly, Near did too, trying to hide the deep scarlet that was now his face. Despite this, Matt saw, and decided not to mention it.

He grabbed Near's hand and led them to his bed, flopping down on it, leaving just enough room for Near. But Near did not quite buy this.

"I'll sleep on the floor, Matt." He said in his usual monotone voice. "Can I have a blanket or something?"

"What!? Don't be stupid, Near, you'll sleep on the bed here with me." Matt said, patting the space beside him. Near thought that if he was in any other circumstance he would have laughed. But instead, he was very tempted to do what Matt said. He weighed his options, sleeping on the floor would definitely be painful, but sleeping in Matt's bed…what if he did something in his sleep? Matt would definitely react badly.

Near didn't have time to think much more, because Matt had leaned over and yanked his arm. Near lost his balance and fell face first onto Matt, who laughed. He seemed a lot happier…Near thought about this as he got up and sighed, deciding that he would just lie his way out of a dilemma if one happened to come up.

He crawled into the bed, turning around so he didn't have to face Matt. To Near's surprise, Matt wrapped his arms around Near and pulled him close, as if he was some kind of stuffed animal. At first he tensed up, very unsure of what to do with himself. But he could feel Matt's warm breath on the back of his neck, and his heartbeat on his shoulder, and decided that perhaps he could get used to this, for tonight. It was probably the only time he'd ever be able to get this close to Matt anyway.

After however long it took Near to get comfortable and settled, he could hear the familiar heavy breathing from Matt as he fell asleep, drawing Matt's arms more tightly around himself and sighing.

"Matt, I think that you should try and go one day without video games." Near said the next morning, watching abashedly as Matt got dressed in front of him.

"Well that's no fun."

"One day isn't long enough. I think we should make it three." Near sat back, calculating in his mind exactly how long he thought it would take for Matt to start having a regular sleeping habit—without Near as his teddy bear, that is.

"I doubt I could survive that long." Matt didn't seem to take it very seriously, falling down as he tried to shove on some very small socks.

"You could. And you will—I'm not going to sleep in your bed every night so you can get your eight hours. Also, I doubt Mello would be very willing to do that either." Near laughed inwardly at the thought of Matt proposing this idea to Mello. Matt smiled too, probably thinking the same thing.

"I'll try then." He said, but his face fell. "I don't know if I'll last though, and I'm serious about that." Matt, out of self-will, walked over to his TV and pulled the plug.

"I won't let you fail this, Matt." Near said, twirling his hair between his fingers. "You should let Mello know about it…maybe he can help, too."

"He'll laugh at me. I don't think I'll tell him." Matt said, putting his goggles on his forehead and rubbing his eyes. "So, do you just wear those clothes all the time?"

"I have other things, these just happen to be the most comfortable." Near stood up and walked to the door, planning on changing into yet another pair of…the exact same thing.

"Haha, alright Near. Going to change?"

"Yes, I might see you at breakfast."

"Kay."

Near couldn't help but poke his head through the doorway first, checking to see if Mello happened to be there. His room was next to Matt's, after all…and he was sure that both of them would suffer if Mello suddenly knew that Near had actually _spent the night_ in Matt's room.

What was Matt getting at, anyway? Looking at him you would think he was the type of kid who would never want to hug anyone, much less have that intimate a sleepover. Near liked it, a lot…but he also saw the dirty magazines he had stashed in the corner (did he even care if someone saw?). Matt…was changing, maybe he was just glad to have some human contact, a contrast from Mello.

Well, if Matt needed some human contact every once in a while, Near would be more than happy to supply it.

Matt, amazingly, made it the whole three days plus one without playing video games. Mello did find out about this, but he never knew that it was all Near's idea. On the whole, Matt and Near hid what they wanted to from Mello pretty well. Near was grateful for this, because he knew that if it ever looked like Near was better friends with Matt than Mello, they were in trouble.

A new routine was quickly built, one where Near would eat lunch with Matt (and occasionally Mello) on Wednesdays. It was a strange thing, almost like an appointment, because it was so routine. Most of the time Mello would join them, throwing a few dirty looks at Near but mostly focusing on devouring his lunch as quickly as possible.

Every other day that wasn't Wednesday, Near simply disappeared rather than making things difficult by eating by himself somewhere else. Matt sometimes asked Near where he went, but Near managed to avoid the subject expertly and get Matt's mind on something else.

February came, and with it, Matt's thirteenth birthday. Neither Near or Mello actually got him any presents, but they certainly acknowledged it and Mello was extremely tolerant (if not more determined than ever to beat him academically) of Near's presence the entire day.

That afternoon, Mello left Matt and Near alone for a while to see if he could sneak in some chocolate from somewhere—even though all three knew that they could easily ask for some from Roger. Mello preferred to get in trouble than appear polite to an authority.

Matt laughed at Mello on his way out. "Good luck!" He yelled, not bothering to keep his voice down. Good thing it was a Saturday, or they would have had some complaints. Matt all of the sudden decided he liked to be rambunctious and loud, especially for today. But when Mello's footsteps had officially disappeared down the hall, he became quieter.

"You know Near, a good birthday present would be a nice hug…I haven't gotten one of those from you in a month." Matt said, grinning directly at Near. He didn't seem bashful at all. Near, on the other hand, was a bit terrified. What made him that way was a mystery, one that prevented him from replying. Matt sat back, frowning a bit. "Or not, if you don't want to."

Near looked up. "No, I will…" he said, scooting himself forward. They were sitting on the floor in Matt's room, not too far apart. Matt reached out to Near and pulled him in, letting Near's arms wrap around his neck. What Matt liked best about Near was that he was soft, like a rabbit or a lamb. He seemed to comfort him, especially since Matt had realized long ago that Near's expressions never changed—one project he would have to give up. But when Near hugged him, it was a thousand words in one touch, infinitely better than simply being able to read his face.

Near finally pulled away, but Matt pulled him back forward on a slight impulse, not exactly sure of what he was doing. Near let him, thinking he was in for another embrace, but proven very wrong when Matt's lips suddenly met his in a clumsy—but sweet—kiss.

Near's eyes widened painfully, but he did not move. Before long it was over, and Matt pulled back, surprised, as if he had just made a mistake. Near hoped that wasn't what he was thinking, but it seemed to be nonetheless. Matt blushed and started, "Near…I'm…uh…" But unfortunately (and predictably), that was the moment Mello chose to turn the doorknob, causing the two inside to jump backwards and maintain as casual a position as possible.

"Got 'em…it was too easy." Mello declared, sporting three bars of chocolate, which looked anything but stolen. "Maybe they knew I was coming and just gave in." he chuckled, throwing a bar at Matt, who caught it, and then one at Near—who hadn't even looked, letting it bounce off his shoulder.

"You idiot, you're supposed to catch it." Mello said, flopping on Matt's bed and ripping open his chocolate as if the room were his own.

"I didn't think you'd get me one."

"Well I did, so eat or I'll do it myself." Mello said wrathfully, biting into his chocolate bar like he thought about biting through his less-than-perfect test papers. He watched while Near picked up the chocolate and gently unwrapped it without tearing the paper. He took a piece—it was the first time in a year that Near had actually eaten chocolate. But he didn't actually taste it when he put it in his mouth, his thoughts were too clouded with confusion. What had just happened? "Boy Matt, you're sure talkative today. Freaked out at finally being thirteen?" Mello said, already almost halfway through his chocolate bar.

"Uh…I guess. Don't really feel that different." Near and Mello could tell that Matt was lying, but the difference was that Mello didn't know why.

"You sure are acting different." Mello said, laying stomach down on Matt's bed to look at his face better. "Maybe you should take those goggles off for once, bud. You'll see better." Mello reached out playfully and snapped the strap, while Matt grinned and swatted Mello in return.

"Damn, Mello! That hurts!" Matt said, as he let the goggles slide down to his neck. Mello laughed as he sat up to avoid more strikes from Matt.

"Let's go outside. It's too stuffy in here." Mello was still giggling strangely, and Matt nodded. Near stood up, fingering his hair and watching Mello as he climbed off the bed and pulled Matt up, then lead the way out the door.

It was one of the first times Near had been that confused. Matt looked like he was trying his best to shrug off the embarrassment of his early actions—they were _Matt's_, not Near's. But didn't Matt know that Near was kissing back? Or was he too surprised to do so in the first place…

That entire day Matt barely acknowledged Near, to his disappointment. Near would have given anything to have another kiss—or even to have Matt tell him why he had done such a thing in the first place.

After four days of silence from Matt, Near plucked up the courage (and now he needed courage?) to go and talk to Matt. At least when Near found him, he was outside reading. A huge change from just a few weeks ago when he would normally find him cooped up in his room. There was no one else outside to bother them, thankfully. And Mello was in detention yet again, in a room on the other side…it was the perfect time to talk to Matt.

"Hello." Near said, as he approached Matt. Matt looked up quickly, then flipped a page in his book unintentionally.

"Hey, Near." He said, quietly. Near sat down next to him, marveling at the fact that it was warm in February. The weather would change soon enough.

"I want to know why," said Near, deciding there was no beating around the bush, "you kissed me." Near didn't look at Matt—it would be easier for Matt to answer him without his staring.

"I don't really know." Matt said after a minute. It was true, he had no idea what had come about that day. The most embarrassing part though, was that he felt like he had meant it. He kept thinking about doing it again…he knew he wasn't going to be able to look Near in the eye for a long time. "I'm sorry."

Near said nothing at first, but soon decided that he would try Matt a bit, to see whether he liked it.

"You don't have to be sorry, Matt." Near said. Matt looked up, but only at Near's legs. They were the closest thing.

"But, I probably confused you or something."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean…" Near turned his head a bit, "that I didn't enjoy it."

Matt was speechless. This whole thing seemed too mature for both of them, way different from simply looking through girlie magazines or finding a good Baywatch channel on his TV. This was real…and…was it okay for him to like boys, too? Why did he like Near so much? The new realization only brought confusion.

"But," Near continued. "If it was just an accident, I'll understand." Near sat for a while, knowing full well that he had just come out to Matt, for lack of anything else to say to him. Matt jumped a bit.

"I don't know what it was…Near…" Matt was saying, feeling very strange, "do you like me?"

Near nodded. "As in, I would like to kiss you again, if you let me." Matt blushed.

"Then do it."

Near turned sharply, frowning. Was Matt serious? He wouldn't make fun of Near, who leaned toward Matt a bit. Matt was looking at him, his hand was on his goggles, sliding them off of his head. Near, just like in Matt's room on his birthday, scooted himself forward and planted his lips directly onto Matt's. Matt pushed forward, putting his hands on Near's head and touching his hair. Near was using his own hands to balance himself, but barely paying attention to that while he could feel the softness of Matt's lips.

Too soon, Near pulled back, blood pumping furiously through his veins as he regained composure. Matt seemed also a little out of it, his hands suddenly had become very heavy on Near's neck.

"Matt…" Near said, smiling a bit. He wasn't sure what to say.

Matt didn't say anything either, but he was breathing heavily. Near moved closer and hugged Matt, burying his head in Matt's neck and breathing his scent.

"I think I like this."


	6. Time Leap

**A/N!: AUGHGHG This chapter is the chapter that I skip the most amounts of time in. I mean, it starts out eighteen months from the last chapter, and then heads right on through two more years D: I'm so sorry for this, cause I just don't feel like spending forever just describing everything to great lengths just so we can get used to the time lol XD. Plus, there's a looong way to go -- I have the whole thing planned out...I'm thinking I might just split it into two separate stories...:/ We'll see, haha. Anyway, enjoy the suspense and boy-love (but not explicit...yet...)! **

**...Oh and review plz :D **

Chapter 6

_Eighteen months,_ Near thought, having counted the days in his mind. _Our first real kiss was eighteen months ago._

A lot had changed since then. They had all grown taller (maybe not so much with Near), more confident, and maybe sunk further into each of their addictions. After Matt had tried again and again, Mello and Near decided that perhaps he was meant to play his games all the time. Matt began to grow into his insomnia, becoming mostly nocturnal. Sleep in the daytime for him came more easily.

Matt and Mello had become even closer as friends, almost inseparable. And Near had continually kept up his secret relationship with Matt, which was more of a love than anything else. Although they never got further than simply kissing, it was the only thing they really desired. Since Mello was painfully predictable, it was easy to cover themselves from him, and they were able to hide for this long…_eighteen months._

Near had been playing with his puzzle, thinking about the special dates in his life—finally he had some besides his birthday that he could count on. He was in the commons, where it was peaceful and empty. From somewhere down the hall he heard footsteps. He could tell they were Matt's, the way the steps were so uneven and how his sneakers sometimes squeaked on the floor. As soon as this thought arose, Matt appeared.

"Near!" He said, waving and quickening his pace when he spotted him. Near looked up and smiled, putting the last piece onto the puzzle and then dumping it out again. Matt landed himself next to Near, planting a kiss onto the side of his cheek and smiling. "Look, I'm up!"

"I see," Near said, but frowned when Matt squeezed him into a hug. "Matt, someone might see us…" Matt smiled and turned Near's face gently with his hand, kissing him on the lips. Near tried to pull away, thinking that he heard footsteps.

It was too late, the minute he said this Mello had walked into the commons with a soccer ball, kicking it into the room. Matt fell backwards with surprise, his goggles falling down around his neck. Mello stopped, narrowing his eyes. Near remained motionless, feeling a sweat drop trickle down his neck.

"What was that?" Mello said to Matt, who was trying to pick himself up. "Did you just…" Mello pointed to Near, raising an eyebrow. Matt shook his head.

"Just helping with his puzzle, that's all." Matt said, hoping that Mello would believe him, stupidly. The puzzle was empty and Near was a bit too terrified to move. Mello picked up his ball.

"I don't know what the hell you were doing, Matt…but it doesn't look like you were helping Near at all." Mello's face was fuming. Lately he had done everything to beat Near and still failed, hating his guts with everything he had, and this helped very little. Mello left before anyone could say anything else.

Outside, Mello decided to blow off some steam, kicking the ball too hard at his team members and even harder at anyone opposing him. It was clear, Matt—who had been acting strangely toward him for so long—had chosen Near over him. It was painful, he felt like it would be better if he had never seen them. Mello kicked the ball as hard as he could, and ended up hurting someone, though he laughed.

Then Roger came. They had all run inside for fun, and Roger had snagged him out of the crowd easily, and called Near to go with them. Matt was gone—maybe he had gone looking for Mello? Near didn't look at Mello as they walked to Roger's office, and suddenly Mello felt like if he actually walked into the office with Roger and Near, some thing would change. He didn't want to change…all he wanted was to beat Near for once, and then he would be happy. He knew he was smarter, but why didn't it show? Mello was fuming by the time they rounded the corner and finally made it to Roger's office. That was the moment Mello wished he could have erased in his life.

Soon Mello was gone, without saying a word to Matt, leaving Near with the inheritance L had left behind in his death. Near was in a bad mood from everything that had happened recently. It seemed the world was going downhill, and he was determined now to stop this from happening. In other words, he was pissed at Kira, Mello, and society.

One night soon after, Near found Matt packing everything that he could that was portable. He didn't try to stop him, only to help, because Matt was the only person he truly felt sorry for. Mello was treating everything too irrationally, Near grumbled in his head, leaving his best friend because of one action that could have been misinterpreted…even though it wasn't. And now Matt was leaving, who knew if he would ever be back. Everything was screwed in Near's mind, and there was little he could do about it.

Matt finally stopped, exhausted, after shoving his essentials into the only durable bag he had. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to do, but he knew that if he couldn't find Mello, he would come back and help Near on the Kira case. He sat on his bed for a moment, while Near stood in front of him holding his bag.

"I'm sorry." Matt said, turning his face up to Near's. "I made a promise."

Near didn't try to make Matt explain. He knew that Mello was important, someone that would take more energy to tame than Near, who simply did or didn't. He gently put the bag down, and sat close to Matt. Matt took Near's hands in his—which were now gloved—and leaned his head down, kissing Near gently. Near's eyes closed automatically, clutching Matt's hands and letting Matt's tongue drag across his lower lip. Near suddenly opened his mouth and let his tongue in, delicately running his own over the top. This was much different than what they usually did, and much better…it made Near even more bitter that Matt had to leave.

That day Matt disappeared as well, without informing anyone. Near knew he had gone, but he waited to let Roger figure it out. It took less than a day of missed classes for everyone to know that Matt and Mello had left The Wammy's.

"Near, you're welcome on staying and working on the Kira case here. You have L's inheritance now, I'm sure that will be enough to get you where you need to be." Roger said to Near, once again in his office.

"Yes, thank you Roger." Near said, "But I have already purchased a more discreet place elsewhere in New York. Here is the address," Near took out a slip of paper, handing it to a very sad looking Roger. "And I will be leaving in one week." With that, he promptly left Roger's office. Near had very little attachment to The Wammy's, and was very happy to leave the children there, who were never very kind to him—not that he ever wanted them to be, he just wanted to be left alone.

The flight to New York was accompanied by Roger, who Near gladly paid for. He was a bit nervous being in public, with so many people, and felt infinitely better with someone escorting him. But, Roger left after they had landed, and once Near was in his new home (a one room flat, where few would think of looking), he was very unsure of what to do.

Near wandered over to his computer—one that Roger had registered with the Government, making him able to access any police record across the world and more—and sat, staring at the screen.

From the first keystroke, Near knew he would be able to catch up to L's work in no time.

L had been working in Japan, and even broadcasted his message…Near watched it, it had been recorded—verifying in the where Kira lived. That was the only lead he had, but it was a good one. From there he was able to view the recordings of deaths in the NPA, as well as the thousands of criminals who died of a heart attack.

What he couldn't find was anything about L. It was almost as if he had never even touched the case—could that be his doing? Did he make Roger erase him from the system? It was like L still existed, but, he knew he was dead. Roger had told him that Wammy's death had come first, and then L's. Did L know? Was he able to delete the files himself?

Day and night Near worked on the Kira case, soon he had control of a large information highway that ran through the FBI, NPA, and other international crime deterring organizations. But through it all, Near was still alone. The months were lonely, by himself, only accompanied by his new toys—robots, dice, cards, anything you could stack or add up—and his mind began to wander a bit. Every few days Near would find his normally disciplined mind thinking about Matt or Mello.

Before long Near had already passed his sixteenth birthday, and was getting very close to the last few pieces of the puzzle that he needed to actually find Kira. It seemed so long ago that he had just started. Looking in the mirror after he showered, Near saw that barely anything about himself had changed. Maybe Matt looked the same—but he doubted that. He could still remember his face the last time he saw it, but even though his thoughts continually wandered to him, he had almost gotten used to being alone. He didn't long for Matt anymore, but he knew…maybe the chance that Matt would find his address, and visit him, was still alive. He would have to wait and see.


	7. An Undefined Reunion

**Wow, I guess a lot of people actually_ do _like the story! Suppose I'll have to finish it then :3 Hey, if you like it, please review! I don't really feel like writing if no one's going to read it.**

**--Also, I started working on Chapter 8 before I worked on Chapter 7...ironically, 8 isn't quite done yet. Dunno when it will be, 'cause I'm seeing some huge plot holes here...yikes! Well here's 7 for you :3 Also, I didn't edit. And it ends abruptly. Sigh I'm not that committed I guess XD lol**

5 Years Later

Matt was on the move, again. It was probably the hundredth time in so many years that his hopes had been brought up and then dashed, at the prospects of actually finding Mello again Matt had kept going, by himself, without anyone to help him. He would be damned if he was never going to see his best friend again, dead or alive.

The funny thing was, every time he had a lead, his excitement always reached the same peak…any normal human wouldn't be able to take the same exact roller-coaster ride so many times—but Matt wasn't normal, and it was time for his skills to actually gain him something.

The first year he worked. Odd jobs and part-time, minimum wage and almost never any promotions. He didn't have time for promotions, he was moving around too much. After this, he kept working but then spent time looking. Now armed with a computer and traveling internet (Matt had to ask Roger for a little help on that one), he soon figured out that Mello was in America. His hacking skills were rising and it seemed that he had joined a gang of some sort three years after he left, frustrating Matt beyond belief, even though it was in Mello's nature to pursue such dangerous activities.

So he followed them. Not even with the lead of Mello's name (of course he wouldn't even give his alias alone), but descriptions and even actions that he assumed Mello would most likely do.

And now he was running again, to a location that he was sure to get shot at no matter what he was doing, armed with a gun (Mello wasn't the only one who disregarded the law) and a smoke bomb. His goggles were slipping down his nose—the strap needed to be tightened again. He was there soon, it was not a building or an alleyway but a whole street, gangsters and bookies and whatnot, _America's crack_, as Matt liked to call it. He had been here before for himself, half-expecting Mello to be around but this time Matt was sure he would see him again.

The first three places he really looked came up empty. The roller coaster was beginning to go downhill and fast, Matt's heart jumped every time he thought he saw a blonde head or something yellow. _What if he cut his hair? His appearance has had to have changed in the last five years…_these thoughts ran through Matt's head for the umpteenth time as he looked around frantically, nearly out of places. There were two more to look into…

The next place he stepped into was not somewhere he thought he would see Mello—a lounge, a place that the owners had really kept up. People were actually carded there; it was probably the only half-legal part of the street. He walked in and took a quick survey of the place; the dim room did not provide him with good expectations. He walked up between a row of booths shamelessly staring at each face he could, wondering if he had actually missed Mello because he was so different—but Matt had strived to wear the same thing for years, only now adding a nice fluffy vest for when it got cold. But the stripes and the goggles were the same, if not a little modified. Mello was sure to recognize him back.

"Listen, you dough-headed bastard, I'm calling the shots here. Don't you think you can go turning on me, you only have half the brain you think you do." Matt perked up at these words, ever optimistic mind hoping…

"Sorry, boss…I'm not planning anything. You can trust me." Some poor sap, much older…Matt smiled. _If this is really Mello, he sure hasn't changed much…he's still the boss…_

"Sure, just do what I say, for the last time."

Matt was a little frightened, for once…this was becoming more and more Mello like…just a turn around the corner and he would be able to see. Would Mello want to shoot him? Kick him out? Forgive him for what he saw that day at the Wammy's?

Taking a breath—he was positive now, his heart had never pounded like _this_—he took the last steps around the corner and looked, spotting a group at a table a little ways down...this part of the lounge was practically empty except for that group. Matt put his goggles down around his neck so he could see the people, untinted by the orange.

Sure enough, there he was. Mello, sitting right there with a group of definite cronies. They must have been planning something, who knows what. Matt could only stand there and stare. His hair was exactly the same, if not a little darker and sandier. His face and grown, he was wearing leather but there was no doubt that he had learned some technique of fighting, maybe just punching the lights out of anyone who got in his way. The muscles adorning Mello's arm weren't quite as big as Matt's but they were definitely present, Mello probably knew that it wasn't pure brawn that was needed for survival.

Mello didn't notice him at first, but Matt knew that because of the emptiness of the room he was bound to be seen. It was more probable that Mello already knew he was there, but didn't really care. Matt's heart sunk the tiniest degree at this thought, but didn't move. He was going to wait until Mello acknowledged him…_look at me, Mello…you know who I am. Just look._

As if on cue, Matt saw Mello stand up, saying something in a lower voice so he couldn't hear. Faster than a hurricane, Mello walked toward Matt, pulled him by the arm and without words, they were suddenly in the bathroom.

"Matt." Mello seemed a bit irritated, Matt felt like they were back at the Wammy's and he had done yet another dumb thing to piss Mello off.

"I found you, Mello." Matt was a bit burnt out of emotions, waiting for Mello to move first.

"You'll get shot around here, Matt. You should go." Mello's face was still frozen in irritation.

"I…I'm not leaving yet." Matt didn't really know what to say…he had followed Mello for five years, but to what purpose? For a pat on the back? Forgiveness?

"Matt, what the hell are you doing here? This place is…"

"Fucked up, I know. But damnit, Mello…I looked for you for five years, like hell I'm going to leave after one glimpse of your stupid blonde head." Matt was getting a little pissed. He now realized that Mello was probably busy with God knows what, but he was going to make Mello have time for him, Matt wanted to know…Maybe Mello needed him, he was useful.

"You haven't barely changed at all, Matt."

"Right back at ya." Matt thought. "Except, now you have an accent."

"You do too." Mello's face started into a little smirk. Matt said nothing, wondering where to go next…but he didn't have to make that decision, Mello made it for him.

The next thing he knew, he was being pushed up against a stall, with Mello's lips smashed against his. He had not expected this in the least, being that he was positive Mello was straight, after all. But the fingers traveling around his waist didn't lie, Mello definitely wanted something from Matt, and it wasn't a simple friendship. Matt didn't do anything at first, in fact, his thoughts now traveled to Near…he knew exactly where Near was at the moment thanks once again to Roger and that was who he truly wanted to be with, but…

Mello's tongue was now forcing his way into Matt's mouth, and Matt, feeling especially weak-willed at the moment, let it in. Soon his own hand was at the back of Mello's head pushing him forward, just for a while…Near didn't have to know if they ever saw each other again.

But…when he felt Mello's hand traveling downward, fingers trailing on his chest through his bare shirt, and under the hem of his pants, Matt had to pull away. Mello's face was pink, a string of spit had broken off and clung to his chin, which he quickly wiped away.

"Mello…" Matt wasn't sure what to say. He had never thought, in all the years of knowing him, that this would happen. He was so keen on staying with Near, hoping that maybe he would get to see him again, and now, the biggest surprise he had ever gotten was staring him in the face.

"What's wrong?" Mello asked as if nothing had even happened.

"I can't." Matt's hands stayed at his sides as he looked blankly into Mello's eyes, which stared at him like they always had, as a best friend would regard him.

"Don't tell me you're saving yourself for Near or something." Mello smirked, but it faded when Matt didn't say anything. "You can't be serious, Matt. What about that promise, huh? The one where you said you would never choose him over me?"

"Mello, I wasn't thinking about…relationships…" He sighed but stayed calm. "I mean, you're my best friend, and you'll always be the first I go to. But…I don't want to screw you."

"Fuck…" Mello sighed. Matt found quickly that he was a little more rusty when it came to reading Mello's face.

"Sorry." Matt wasn't going to cry…he was happy he had found his friend. That Mello, in his self-destructive attitude, was actually alive.

If Near hadn't existed or was currently dead or something, Matt would have definitely jumped Mello right then and there. But Near _did_ exist, and Matt wanted Near in a way he didn't want Mello. If Mello couldn't deal with that…Matt knew that when they were young the fact that Mello had caught him and Near together wasn't what fueled Mello's leaving.

"You should just leave, then." Mello leaned back on the sink and watched Matt. "You know I'm still here, but right now this isn't your place. Go back to Near or whatever. If I need you, I'll call."

"I tracked you for five years, and this is what I get…?"

"Yeah."


End file.
